jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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