haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
