and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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