Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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