I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
