I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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