So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize