You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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