I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
