omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
