when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
