My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
