I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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