yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
