thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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