You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
We smell like vodka and hangover
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