o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
