I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
