I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
