Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
