I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
