She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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