there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
