Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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