2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
