Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
