Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Someone shit on the floor
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
