so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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