i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
