you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
