Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
