When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize