I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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