i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
