in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
