I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
