we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
