Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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