"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
