I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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