the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
