He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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