How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I need to align my fucking chakras
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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