News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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