ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
