he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
