I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
