Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
