he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
