i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I believe in your delicious
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
there is puke in my bra ... again
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
