Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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