we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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