idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
