is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Michael Bay diarrhea
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
