Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
