I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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