You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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