shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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