Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Your dad touched me again.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
