Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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