I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
