he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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