so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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