1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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