So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
