I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
