Ketchup is God's man juice
cat food counts as protein by the way
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
