then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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