I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
wanna go halves on a baby?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
