Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
